I Have Grown Up!!

So it has been a while since I have logged on and for this I truly apologize! I have become so busy trying to get things done before leaving for one weeks vacation. Have you ever noticed how preparing for a weeks vacation usually makes the vacation more necessary than it was initially and then how you always feel that another vacation is needed to recoup from the initial vacation?
I went to see my family. Actually, my sister and my mom. My brother and his wife and my two nephews as well as my niece and her mom all live in Boise too but we are not close at all and most of the time when I go visit them it is only an hours visit or so. That's enough for us. I think the classic example of how my brother and I get along was my STUPID response to an argument we had several years ago. I (being at a loss for words and attempting to point out my brothers stupidity) yelled out at him "HI HO I'm from Idaho..." Thinking that said it all. I now realize that it only made him an entire grade higher than me.... OOOOHHHHH! I hate that!
Anyway, you may have guessed that my family is not perfect. As a matter of fact we aren't even close. My husband says that my relationship with my mother and sister is the only game of "I don't like you" that he has ever known to last for 26 years. He actually says the game has gone on for 30 years now and he has become so used to it that he just chooses not to play. So my family has come to terms with him. They may not like him exactly but they tolerate him fairly well.
I love my mom very much. I guess I love my mom enough that I have spent a lot of years trying very hard to make her happy and proud of me. This is a difficult thing since my mom's pride and my pride in myself come from two different spheres. Mom's lately comes from degrees and pedigrees like MA or PHD. Mine comes from trying to make a difference to my community and my world through my actions. This involves small actions and large ones but mostly it involves a deep caring for people I meet and a concern for what my actions will show to those around me. I discovered something this week while visiting my mom... I don't need her to validate me, my life or how I feel about myself. After 46 years of living, I don't care that she is proud of me. I hope she is... I want her to be but I will not give and what I do with my life will be mine to be proud of. I enjoy caring for people, caring for my community and caring about my family and in the end I will hopefully have left a legacy that my family and community will remember for longer than a year or two. It will not be determined by what others think of it. I will help as I can and when I can and I will be the better for it.
So how was my vacation? It was OK. I loved seeing my mom and knowing that she thought enough of my visit that she planned activities for us to do together that she would not otherwise have done. It was wonderful that I got to spend time with my nephews who are turning into wonderful little boys. It was nice to see my sister even if I hate the way she has become. I do not care to be controlled at this stage in my life. If I ever do I will be sure to let her know. But ultimately it was a wonderful vacation because I dealt with myself and I am at ease now knowing that what I am doing is what I choose to do and that it is important to me and my values. This is a good thing. Talk with ya soon. R